From The Desk Of The Retired Teacher
If you have come across my blog, you know my walks are a great time for reflections and thoughts that I get to share with you. My most recent walks (squeezed in between short reprieves of unusual downpour, here in Los Angeles), simmering with many ideas, bubbling up and out!
And so back to an idea of bare bones/benign neglect vs hovering helicopter adults/micromanaging. Thinking in terms To look away or not! I’ll go out on a limb..as adults we need time to reflect where we are, looking at this as a continuum. We probably have a little of both sides in us. Depends on the circumstances and who we give our “unsolicited advice” interference or “turn and ignore” magnanimity.
In a world where I wear many hats (mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, teacher and colleague), how I interact and what I do has great potential for over stepping boundaries or a miscue of neglect.
I think of this as well in terms of watering my plants, those I ignore and those I over water or recently, as nature is doing.


And now you ask, “Where is she going with all this?” I’m curious how we decide what to do in a given situation? Do we jump in? Do we wait, watch and listen? If yes, what holds us back? Are either of these intentional decisions or programed in our lived experiences that we’ve found detrimental or useful? Are we on automatic pilot at times?
I think back to the times I’ve jumped in, being the fixer. I think back to the times I wish I had done something differently. I think of the do overs that are not possible. Then I remember the many, many times I have made the right choice. Hovering to protect, to pave that road more accessible for others has both successful and detrimental outcomes, I know. When to let go is always difficult whether as a parent or teacher or any of the hats we wear. And at the same time looking away, bare bones/benign neglect commitment also has positive and negative outcomes.
So I’ll end this post adding that making on the spot decisions are at times happenstance. We get lucky with some, others not so much. A guideline is knowing who is in front of you whether, they’re asking for or needing help or a good listening ear?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you you manage this quandary!
This is a post I wrote 3 years ago.. still thinking about this topic , I see.
I found some interesting articles and here are the links.
https://monday.com/blog/project-management/micromanaging/
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/parenting-and-the-art-of-benign-neglect-0123135
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/10-signs-micromanaging-parent