I’m Only Ready For Goodnight

I share this post with my PLN who inspire me through tweets, blogs and chats! I have so enjoyed participating in Twitter chats and have been absent these past two weeks. I will probably be away till early May. Below is an edited version of the eulogy I shared at my husband’s funeral service.  Shiva is over today and Passover starts on Friday. I will be surrounded by my family and friends who give me the strength to carry on.

There is such little perfect in this world. And we get to live with that, and that’s ok. But for me Bernie was perfect for me. It wasn’t that we were that elusive perfect couple, far from that, but Bernie was truly my Bashert before I even new what that meant. We learned to be a couple, we learned to be parents and we learned to be grandparents together. He loved his children unconditionally and our grandchildren brought him such joy. Bernie so enjoyed listening to David’s work adventures and travels and supported him in his goals. He loved to listen to the different “products” David found for his business and the pictures of his displays and his logo A Lost Art that he would show Bernie. They had a rare and beautiful relationship. The child close in proximity to us he was often relied upon, but hopefully not stifled. And Bernie’s Marni with her straight forward talk would say, “Dad when we’re here…. Or Dad, you know you’ll like this once you try it!” He was so happy when she met and married Meyer and was so sad when they moved out of LA. But he was also so proud of Meyer’s work position and would tell his friends about it. He was the Zaidie that babysat, that played card games, showed them tricks and read to them. And they were so incredibly gentle with him when he became so sick. He loved spending time with my nephews Reese and David and was an important figure in their lives. And they loved him. In the last few years they and my brother Abie often spent time with him on the week ends so I could have some walking around time at the Grove. He had wonderful friends that he had know for many, many years. My aunts and uncle always asked about him and would check in with me to see how he was doing. His sister phoned from Israel every week and one day I had my iPad with me and she was able to Skype and they could see each other. His brother loved him and was heartbroken when Bernie became so ill. His family in Israel was very dear to him as were his friends who kept in touch. I was so happy for Bernie when his friend phoned on my cell and he could speak to Bernie. I could tell by Bernie’s reaction how happy he was to hear his friend’s voice!  These are the people who for the most part have been a constant in his life. And Bernie so enjoyed meeting my school family and spending time with them at various events. And they have always cared about him! On our block, in our neighborhood, everyone knew him. As I said Bernie was a kind loving person. He looked out for all the neighbors and he enjoyed being helpful in any way he could.

Over the years Bernie and I made mistakes and not everything was easy, but we had each other to support and encourage in good times and bad. There was sadness, upsetting times, anger but more times much joy and laughter. The adventures in our travels gave us years of reminiscing when we could no longer continue that phase of our lives. Bernie was a quiet man. I was the noisy outspoken one. We were the perfect match! And then unexpectedly and abruptly everything changed and Bernie’s health steered our lives. We found a wonderful companion, Paul, who was with him these past few years. Paul was at his side whether he was at home, or hospitalized or in a health care facility. And I will always be grateful for that. Paul became a member of the family and traveled with us to Dallas for Thanksgiving two years ago!
And now it’s time to let go. I asked Bernie Thursday morning in the hospital as he struggled to maintain the oxygen, his breathing and his heart rate, I asked if he had any more in him to go for a few months till July to make it to our 50th wedding anniversary. And as I looked at him and soothed his brow, kissed his cheek, I told him if he didn’t it was ok and I would forever understand. And in a little while he gave me his answer.

A post I shared on Facebook and Twitter and share it here as well.

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